Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
