if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
