Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
