So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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