I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
