i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
