That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
