Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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