A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
