Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
