i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
birth control should be required to get into college
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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