I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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