Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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