is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize