When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
