We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize