im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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