So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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