you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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