I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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