i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
