While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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