did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
