Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
