I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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