you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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