Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
