I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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