i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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