whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just high enough for therapy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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