tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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