Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
