we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
