If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
