What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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