Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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