listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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