My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
