shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize