Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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