WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
