How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
