he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
