Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We had sex on a dog bed..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
