no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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