Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize