I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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