I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize