I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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