He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
