He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
