Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
