Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
