i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
