these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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