Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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