please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
