Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
