You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hippo gnu deer
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
