my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
