I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
