You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
