Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
