I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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