I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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