Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
